Deadly Sales

Harris; eyes on the sound of the future or something else?
Stylophone In Receivership After 'Rolf Harris Effect' Causes Catastrophic Dip In Sales

Stylophone the giant Australian future instruments manufacturer went into receivership today with management blaming poor sales on what they called the 'Rolf Harris effect.'It is thought as many as 20 000 low paid jobs will be lost at the sprawling multimillion dollar industrial plant in Perth, New South Wales when the company closes its doors for the last time next weekend.

The firm are thought to have made several strategy blunders which have increased pressure on profits. Billions were spent developing a special unit allowing you to accompany the famous performer on a selection of his hit tracks such as 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport,' and 'Two Little Boys.' Unfortunately the 'Rolf Plays With You' unit was released on the same day as court proceedings against the 78 year old started.

Ted Dunnker Stylophone's Head of Marketing said, 'We tried to get another celeb to endorse the product line as there had been worries over Rolf for years but it was so difficult. With 90% of stars being child molesters these days it's impossible to know who to pick. On Monday so and so might seem fine but by Friday they're in court for noncing. We were indecisive for too long and in the end we simply ran out of time. We are to blame but I'd still like to stick a Stylophone right up that beardy dickhead's bloody arse.' 

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