The Stuffing 'Em Post: Mediaganda

UK's most hated man. Green could go all the way

Philip Green Joins Race To Become UK's Most Hated Man

'Sir' (citation needed) Philip Green has joined the race to become the UK's most hated man and bookies are predicting that he 'could go all the way.' The greasy faced tax-dodging billionaire upped the ante in his national hatred bid yesterday by announcing that he had burgled the pensions of 12,500 hard-working BHS employees in order to buy himself his third super yacht, the largest in maritime history, stylishly named 'Lionheart.' Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt and editor of the Sun Kevin McKenzie, past favourites in the running for the national hatred No.1 slot, were said to be shaken by Green's latest burst of disgusting behaviour and have promised to 'take out all the stops' in their own campaigns.

Smooth-talking businessman Mr Green shouted with lumps of caviar spraying over his polyester T-shirt, 'I can do what I fucking like. If you don't believe me ask the Tory party. They love my thieving because I give them kick backs out of the cash that I have robbed from the poor. Oh yes. They don't call me Mr fucking Green for nothing. Look at my fucking wad you fuckers. It's mine! All mine! Now fuck off!'

The international super villain's glamorous tax-exile wife Tina came to the defense of her husband talking from the couples' tasteful five story golden castle in Monaco she pertinently observed, 'My Phil can do what he fucking likes you fuckers! If you don't believe me ask the Tory party who we give kick backs from the money what we stole from the poor. You're just jealous of fucking posh people you fucking fuckers. Fuck off!'

Lionel Sicarius, one of the thousands of BHS staff who has been burgled by the Greens, sighed, 'Apparently he is going to have to appear in front of a government committee to explain how many new hilarious T-shirts he's bought with my money. But everyone knows that those select thingies are as much use as a chocolate teapot so I'm not hopeful about getting it back. Someone said that he (Mr Green) was the unacceptable face of capitalism but that's like saying Jimmy Saville was the unacceptable face of BBC light-entertainment. I reckon if Jeremy Hunt (citation needed) shut his mouth for two minutes, Phil could easily become the UK's most hated man. Kelvin McKenzie's a right wing tosspot, sure, but Mr Green's a thieving greedy, psychopathic, tasteless piece of shite who hangs around with Simon Cowell and you wouldn't trust with a bag full of cigarette butts and used prophylactics let alone your pension. If the evil bastard hadn't robbed all my money I would bet it on him becoming the UK's most hated man. He really could go all the way.'