The Stuffing 'Em Post: Travel Fears

Travel Fears

Stella Artois Demand UK Government Remove Roadside Cider Signs Undermining Company's Re-Branding Initiative

Delabouze; 'Smug Go Getters,' not 'Normal Human Beingz.'

In a landmark case InBev, owner of Stella Artois and the world's largest beer producer, have demanded the UK government pass legislation removing all roadside cider signs claiming that that the signs, often made from hardboard and painted amateurishly, undermine their multi-million euro re-branding initiative of the popular drink.

Francoise Delabouze, head of revenue streams at InBev, sneered, 'My company have not spent 50 million euros trying to convince ze UK cider drinkers zat their favourite, how do you sezs, 'tipple' is now drunk only by wealthy, young, smug, go-getters, who wear thick rimmed glasses and pretentious suits, drive E-type Jaguars and live in huge renovated barns resembling TV studios full of underwear models for nothingz. Mon Dieu! After my companies clever re-branding programmes; Cidre, as it is now pronounced, retails at £5.56p per pint, sixteen times its old value and zees cheap signs on ze side of the road allow UK drinkers to believe zat it is still nearly affordable for normal human beingz. Zis must be stopped! Immediamont!'

Stella demand removal of roadside cider sign

When told that his roadside cider sign would have to be taken down from outside his cottage from where he produces two hundred litres of cider a year Jack Giles, a tractor driver from Somerset, said, 'Who's this grockle bloke then, me babber? Delabooze? Sounds like one of 'em daft woolly woofter clowns t'me. I tell you what; if ee an his mates want to come down ere and ave a wurd you send 'em. No shirt-lifting euro ponce is gonna tell me what t'do. It's 50p a pint, £5 for four litres an' it'll knock the shite outta that Frenchy crap everyday of the bloody week. Burks! Ta. Right. I'm off to Yeovil on my moped to ave a game o skittles. Yarp.'